Things that need to be said

Okay, this needs to be said. There is a lot of conjecture floating around and things need to be addressed. People are wondering what is going on, so here it is, here is what happened. I have known JM for a long time; a year. We have been friends, and it has been both good and bad at times. When I told him I no longer wanted communication with him a couple of months ago, he didn’t appreciate it. I understand that; I was wrong toward him. I accept that and I even wrote out an apology for him on this blog. I never stopped thinking about him; I missed him a great deal. I fell in love with Jerod. Too quickly, too impulsively. I did not think correctly. I decided to move down to Texas to be with him, regardless of my issues in Canada. Okay. I met JM in Memphis, and then he followed me to Little Rock. There was something there; something incredible. I was left with a feeling of loss after our meeting…loss that I cannot describe. I knew we cared about each other.

So, I get to Texas. I thought that Jerod was what I wanted and needed. I did not see the same look in his eyes. I tried to make it work, but I got the impression that he was not with me for the right reasons. Looking back at all of our conversations, and his mentions of my internet “celebrity” (his words, not mine) made me think that perhaps this was not the right thing.

I knew it wouldn’t work. I talked things out with JM, and he asked me to move in with him in Arkansas. I had to think about this; but I decided to run with that feeling that I had, and he drove out to Texas to meet me.

So here I am. This is what happened. It is what it is. I know I hurt Jerod, and I deeply apologize for that. But this is right; I knew it from that moment in Memphis, and the time I have spent with him since last night. I am still nervous, in a new situation and all, but this is it.

I am with the man of my dreams, and I am lucky. Bad things were said on all sides by everybody; I am deeply sorry.

I will be forgiven; I just need time. Right now, I am totally upset at the whole situation; alas, I created it, and it will be rectified.

It is what it is. Time to move on and heal; I am where I need to be.

Whatever drama is created, throughout everything…that crap is temporary. This is what it is all about.

9 thoughts on “Things that need to be said

  1. stacy says:

    Well of course Heidi. You needed to do as you were lead by your heart and your mind! And as you said, people hurt. But unless it’s the right situation, we all tend to reach that point where we must move on. Even the times when I’ve been in a relationship where we both knew it wasn’t meant to be permanent, there was still pain. Believe me, it’s far better to make these decisions and changes sooner rather than later as it doesn’t get easier or less painful Quite the opposite in fact! I don’t believe you to act on impulsion alone. And, I wish you bth well. Arkansas, huh? Used to travel to Little Rock periodically. There’s someone on twitter you both might want to follow. Interested? Take care. I respect you for sharing so publically!
    Stacy

  2. ldsrr91 says:

    You can break a heart, but it will still keep beating.

    BCO

  3. Um says:

    ” Looking back at all of our conversations, and his mentions of my internet “celebrity” (his words, not mine) made me think that perhaps this was not the right thing”

    I hope it is not just your “internet celebrity” status that attracts him.

    Get your loving where you can
    Every girl and every man
    Get all of it you can stand
    And when you’re done
    Just keep on a movin’ on

    It this world nothing lasts for ever
    And some think they are doing you
    a favor.
    But they are just using you for pleasure
    Until they find someone else to treasure

    Still I wish you all the best
    I hope this love will past the test
    But if it all turns into a mess
    Well just throw out the damn pest

    Then get yourself a man
    Who will firmly take your hand
    And all your problems understand
    Doing all for you that he can

    So my dear Heidi Lore
    I hope you can love some more
    So when you find the right guy
    You will be together ’till you die

    Hey!

  4. Le Mat says:

    I’m glad you’ve found happiness Heidi Lore :hf:
    I’ve been on both ends of that equation ..In life and on line and understand what you’re going through…..JSB too

    That is now past….relationships take a lot of work and you need to keep working at them.

    May you find the wisdom compassion strength love and understanding that it takes to have a wonderful life.

    I wish you all the luck in teh world

  5. heidilore says:

    Oh, he is being whiny again, posting threads on other forums…ha ha!

  6. CL says:

    Everybody could figure out what that guy was all about, he had psychological issues and self esteem problems and you saw it on the forum. Heidi I am glad you got out of that people saw his behavior and tryed to warn you I hope you are happy.

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