Have you ever stared into the abyss, knowing full well that it would swallow you? Has it ever overtaken your senses to the point where you felt you were unable to return? A broken person guided only by a force one could not imagine existed…purpose and reason not seemingly possible. How can there be fears if you don’t see the ramifications? How can one complete the cycle when they feel so blind, so alone? How can one have strength, when all there is to be done is to jump off the ledge?
On the surface, the world can seem very bitter and cold. A force of evil descended upon this earth recently. I am unsure of when this happened; the exact date is a mystery to me. As we have become a more materialistic society, we have lost a sense of what we truly are. I frequently find myself as a person not of this world. I don’t care to conform to an existence of materialism. Throughout the years, I have tried to point out this evil force overtaking the world. This is not some piece of fiction; I feel a war coming on. Through these years of trying to inform the populace, I have been mocked; I have made mistakes that I feel terrible about. I sought paths that did not bring me peace at all…if anything, these paths attracted more evil to me. All the while, something has been watching over me. I feel blessed for that; I could have easily fallen into the abyss. I keep asking myself what has kept me from jumping. I still do not know. All the while, incorrectly I have assumed myself to be the problem. I assumed that something was wrong with me. I don’t believe that to be the case anymore.
I have observed people’s behaviors, in the real world and online. I have met wonderful people and I have met what others might consider the darkest possible people. I have seen the love and hate and both types.
I come to all of you a broken woman who has felt the depths of despair and has felt the true essence of ecstasy. It is pretty simple, actually. In order to understand things, you should have walked in both the darkness and the light. I would expect others to understand this, but it seems a bit tricky. If you have walked in the darkness, some feel inclined to judge for that. Actually, most seem inclined to judge, from both sides, from every possible direction.
The thing is I will no longer allow this to happen. I realize I have made mistakes; we all have. For those of you that expect me to be held up to some kind of standard, some way of thinking, you are sorely missing out. Your attacks can no longer cripple me. I have been forgiven; I shall no longer care about the opinions of the judgmental hordes. You will find that attacks on my character will come back on you. This does not excuse my past behavior, in any way. I realize I have done wrong, and shall continue to make amends for this throughout my life.
I know that it is only going to get worse for me, and other truth seekers like myself. I realize that the coming years will become more and more difficult. I am not prepared to give up, though. I shall continue on my quest, however fruitless it might be, hoping in the end that my destiny will shine through. One cannot defeat destiny. I hope to show strength regardless of the problems that will occur, inevitably. I want everyone to exhibit strength; it is always darkest before the dawn. Many of us know that things are happening; many of us are mocked for trying to warn. Don’t let it bother you. I cannot imagine what the future holds, but keep yourself strong. We are the chosen ones, sent to give truth in an era of lies.
“I have sworn upon the altar of God,
eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.”