Thinking…

You know, I keep thinking. Lately, I can’t seem to stop thinking. I guess that is what intense love does to you, or at least it does to me. I am thinking about the little things and the big things. I am, possibly, over-analyzing.

I really wonder what is going to happen in the future. Rejection? Pain? Both paths I have known all too intimately in the past; however, somehow things seem different.

There is a positive influence at work here. I cannot explain this. I wish I could. Sometimes, those feelings creep up again, like a thunderstorm…but, as with every storm, the clouds fade away and I am left with clearing.

Contemplating the nature of the universe, the nature of molecules, the history of the earth comes quite easy for me. I have always had an underlying spirituality that begs to be let out. I still don’t know how to let that out. I am hoping beyond hope that this will be revealed to me.

I get angry, frustrated, happy, sad, jealous, miserable…as I feel I am all of it. I have possessed every emotion within my soul, not wanting it, but being required to feel it from an unknown source.

I would do it all over again. I would do everything over again, no matter what happened. I have learned and experienced things that are unique, that no other human could have experienced.

Because, magically, now it matters. It matters more than anything else ever has. It is the essence of creation, the beginning and the end.

I will never walk a path alone again, no matter what. For that, I am thankful.