Okay, this needs to be said. There is a lot of conjecture floating around and things need to be addressed. People are wondering what is going on, so here it is, here is what happened. I have known JM for a long time; a year. We have been friends, and it has been both good and bad at times. When I told him I no longer wanted communication with him a couple of months ago, he didn’t appreciate it. I understand that; I was wrong toward him. I accept that and I even wrote out an apology for him on this blog. I never stopped thinking about him; I missed him a great deal. I fell in love with Jerod. Too quickly, too impulsively. I did not think correctly. I decided to move down to Texas to be with him, regardless of my issues in Canada. Okay. I met JM in Memphis, and then he followed me to Little Rock. There was something there; something incredible. I was left with a feeling of loss after our meeting…loss that I cannot describe. I knew we cared about each other.
So, I get to Texas. I thought that Jerod was what I wanted and needed. I did not see the same look in his eyes. I tried to make it work, but I got the impression that he was not with me for the right reasons. Looking back at all of our conversations, and his mentions of my internet “celebrity” (his words, not mine) made me think that perhaps this was not the right thing.
I knew it wouldn’t work. I talked things out with JM, and he asked me to move in with him in Arkansas. I had to think about this; but I decided to run with that feeling that I had, and he drove out to Texas to meet me.
So here I am. This is what happened. It is what it is. I know I hurt Jerod, and I deeply apologize for that. But this is right; I knew it from that moment in Memphis, and the time I have spent with him since last night. I am still nervous, in a new situation and all, but this is it.
I am with the man of my dreams, and I am lucky. Bad things were said on all sides by everybody; I am deeply sorry.
I will be forgiven; I just need time. Right now, I am totally upset at the whole situation; alas, I created it, and it will be rectified.
It is what it is. Time to move on and heal; I am where I need to be.
Whatever drama is created, throughout everything…that crap is temporary. This is what it is all about.
